As time progresses I always look back into myself and pinpoint the things I need to change. I think when we get older sometimes we get reluctant to change our schedule. What's in place is there for a reason?! Not always. There are so many things I need to focus on about ME. I often find myself stuck in-be-twinst procrastination and other shit. Both have been enemies that been sticking around it's like you are sitting alone fighting yourself. I just wanted to always be myself and express who I am but even words and actions and can be misunderstood....How do I grow?

I don't need you to tell me what YOU feel you know.
I will fight always.
I don't need validation or a crowd.
I am a sinner but my intent is always good.

Letting go is easy to do when you TRULY know that the crowd never been with you but LAUGHING their asses off at you.

22.Flu.Dueces.

Its funny, when you initially meet me five minutes later I can be a open book if you let yourself subside this area. Not saying that is a good nor great thing. My life to me has always been beautifully tragic. Meaning some moments are so in awe you wouldn't believe. Its like tasting something that was so delectable but the contents were tragic. The things that it took to compose THIS thing you love, YOU lust is tragic. I have given people ALL of me in anything and everything. TO the point where their pain effected me. You try to rationalize 'Why would one do such a thing?' if i could tell you. Suicide

In anyone's sake, i remember being a little girl. And thinking heroes were liars. I used to tell the teacher, I don't like that word. I remember my mom saying just make something up. HOW can you make a hero? No one seemed to understand. Heroes are make believe sure, there are real life heroes who rescue people from the fire. Or save the cat from the tree. But where are the heroes who save the souls? Where are the heroes that save you from poverty and despair, not superman. Or the man that got the kitty out the tree. Looking back at being 8 thinking that. I been a little old lady for some while now.

Point being made to me the same beauty, the same vibrance this world used to hold. Its very lackluster. The dullness is spread across. Because allowing yourself to fall victim to the should and wouldas OF this unpronounced FAME! is unjust. Not everyone is built to be a brickhouse, just like every brain is not meant to function correctly NO matter how bad we want it to. WIth that being said. I don't spotlight. I don't want false hopes and expectations to live up to. Cause with this fame, comes the dark side, I am already sitting in the shade.

I am taking suicide of this endless lonely and hanging from a shabby hotel shower. I been alone so in being alone. You learn to be in lust, in love with lonely and if that ain't TRAGIC. I don't know what is.


......

She said hold your breath
So you don't cum away from me
Too soon
Then I forgot what I was goin'
To tell you
When the summer air
Blew in the day
Change white to gray
I laid with you
And felt your body reach its peak
Did I hear you say
Come harder baby
So I can feel your waist vibrate
When white turns to gray
I laid with you
White turns to gray
I laid with you
You
I laid with you

You know you stayed away too long
Did you miss me
Looks like your heartbeat is rushing
Sick of rushing
But woah
It's still good
I feel you all on me
Can you feel me too
When the summer air blew in
Change white to gray
I layed with you
And felt your body reach its peak
I hear you say
come harder baby
So I can feel your waist vibrate
When white turns to gray
When white turns to gray