I have come in contact with so many young talented women. Everyone is on the quest to find themselves on this journey we call "Life". I mean I have been blessed to even have contact with some of the MOST amazing people. I think that really. It gives you a different perspective on things when you can get a glimpse of something, and someone else. Not the form of imitation but I would say the opportunity to explore what others are facing in this challenging time(s) Of womanhood. I guess we are supposed to be mourning over the loss of the 'blackmenthatdontwantus'.

What is the standing factor in your life that makes you DECIDE that to overcome is what ULTIMATELY be the biggest and entire goal. Some days I want to paint some days I want to draw. Some days I want to lay by my windowseal and write poetry. In a perfect world we would be able to do the things we love. But its became so much of survival the of the fittest. You can't enjoy the things you love. The things that make you happy. Cause you gotta work. My life becoming filled up with 'work'. Everyone suggests I should do this. Or that. Or this or that. I am good at doing a LOT of stuff. But that doesn't mean I am mentally or physically able to do everything. I just know honestly. Being an 'employee' Is not really my tea. I cannot picture myself. As that being my final destiny. Like damn..That's it? Work for the state. Your bills. And how do your reward yourself. With saying 'I got my own'? Who gives a shit? I want to reward myself with really saying. I OWN MY OWN.

The best reward is shit that is PAID FOR.

I want to shed some knowledge on some flawless women. Who I am so glad I had the chance, blessing, honor, of running into to. I am linking them at giving the information cause these are most definitely people you should know. My year has been a blessing because of each one of them.

No particular order. So Please don't DO ME. As my loved one would say:

Jorielle
If you look up flawless and witty you will find her picture. This girl at such a young age. Holds wisdom beyond her years. Sometimes I ask her for advice. She is just her. And that is something YOU have to just love.

Cserena
Girl. GIRL you really are just a all around nice girl. There is not a single flaw. You always have such a posititve attitude. And You are really beating to your own drum. Really Special person to me. When I felt like quitting you said " GIRL NO!"
lots of love for you.


Jewel
Now we been through so much. We been tight from beginning to end. Im glad your getting married. Im glad for my two beautiful best friends that are your daughters. Thank GOD for you dropping knowledge.

Zeralyn
My ace. I never thought in a million years. I would fall in love again. I mean. This is the mirror image. She speaks her mind. But understands the beauty of individuality. Some times i want to choke the shit outta her. But i love her.


Christine
This woman has captivated me. Her blog is everything. She is just raw. Not nasty raw. But the beautiful raw that is something makes you say.. I understand. This is what I been trying to say. You look at her and say. This is what every one should inspire towards..


Loany
I have a funny story about how we met. She is dope. And so am I. This girl is going to be something special. She is everything but cliche. If i was asked to describe her in one word. Circle. Evolutionary and never-ending.


Nancy
There has been long nights where i bet Nancy said. I wish this bitch would JUST go to sleep. But she will stay. And make me smile. I got that ole school love for you...


Krissy
To be honest. This GIRL upon first sight. Is a straight Halle Berry. But the fact that she is hilarious, sweet, and just honestly a good all around girl. Makes me so happy I met her.


Madison
Girl. My sister my heart. My nearest and dearest. I love her. This is the EPITOME of real. I know she would do anything for me and vice versa. I wouldn't trade you for anything. She is goal-orientated and NEVER gives up no matter what obstacles in her way. When I think the world has given up on me. She is nudging me in the shoulder telling me to keep pushing.


Lynn
Me and this girl have been thru highs and lows. No matter what we have had each others back. This is someone I wouldn't trade for the world.





Im not done. Just give me a second. Im too drunk for this. Amen.

This morning was rough. I cried a lot. I know it's hard to understand why someone who seems 'tough' is melting down as adults, I think we all get to the point where situations become clearer and everything makes sense after breaking things down in their perspective order. No-one wants to lead a life of sadness, No-one wants to finish last place. The reality is all of us aren't built to be the best. Some people are just mediocre cause they allow themselves to be. Some just can't past all of the things that make it 'hard to get over'. I know me, I cannot allow myself not to be the best. Even it takes me 30 years to be the best me. I can be satisfied. Cause I worked hard to be the best. I have been struggling to understand why I am here. What is my purpose? The more I look around the less support and love, I have from the people I put my all into. I told my 'love' I cannot help that I care, as much as I say "IMMA BE MEAN" "FUCK THE WORLD" unfortunately I don't have it in me to actually feel that way. I care about everyone. I am always being considerate. I always try to do what I can to help anyone that needs it. That is just the type of person I am. Everyone needs support even if it just mental. We all need it. It builds the person, not making you but its a big part in forming you. With high hopes I get tired of saying "Ima be optimistic!' But for what? Being optimistic is a cop out. You don't need optimism you need motivation to get you to where you wanna be. I thin k alot of times we say stuff like that with a cloud of doubt surrounding it. All my life by everyone I have been treated like the so-so family pet. I am loved.Often forgot about, Ignored, the same love i show them they do not show it back if i get hoit or bit. It's always "You'll Be Alright!" and i am being ignored all over again. I have tried to over look the fact that my family treats me this way. My entire life I have been shuffled from home to home. And people acting as if I was a pest. Just a child. With a bad parent. It seems like my entire life has been on false hopes. So what is what everyone would say. pain is still pain and its has and NAME cause it doesn't feel good. Everyone has become "Condoms" its safe to tellme or someone some corny qote or message "its ok" "everyone goes thru it" DAMN that shit. Hit me with the truth. I am tired of quotes. I NEED SOLUTION. I wish people cared about me the same WAY i extend myself out. NOW i have nothing left of me. And that is why I say I am losing touch with myself.

-first things, 1st I would like to thank @justnancyp (via twitter) for this subject.

What I am about to do is really brave, but its needed to free a part of myself. To release the sadness, to overcome the obstacles, To honestly be THE best me, I figure I would have to break down the issues. Ask For Help, except criticism. Love myself enough TO truly love and appreciate my dreams.



I can do so many things but for some strange reason I am so scared of me. I say I want these things but why not strive to be the best and make the best happen with these things?

Pros and Cons. Fears and Sorrows. Friends and Foes. HATE that i LOVE to hate YOU.